All Sales Pages Suck Ass

All Sales Pages Suck AssAfter I wrote you the title for this post I stopped and asked myself, “I wonder what kinda weird traffic I’m going to be getting for the term suck ass?”  Anyways, it’s the first thing that popped out of my head so I wrote it.  Over the last few days I’ve been working on an ebook package to flip – while simultaneously building a mini site template to cut down the amount of time it takes me to crank these babies out.  Not only do I hate the tedious aspect of working in HTML, but I also hate how crappy most sales pages are.

I have never in my Internet surfing career (10 years) read a sales page that convinced me I should buy something – and that’s the honest truth.  If I’ve ever bought something online, whether it be an info product or a service, it was because I did my research or because I have purchased from that person before.

Here’s the dilemma…

As I’m new to the process of creating my very first info product and campaign, I’ve been searching for related products and sites that I feel are examples of what an up-to-date ebook sales package would look like – and to satisfy my expectations I’ve been continually disappointed.  I can’t stand the fact that somewhere in the history of info marketing it was decided that this is what works, and this is what encourages people to purchase your product, or opt in to your list.

I realize that there is a science to copy writing – which is a very complex skill to say the least.  Developing your ability to write enticing copy that will convert traffic requires training, and the more I reference recent product launches the more I find myself wanting to vomit at the thought of releasing my own.

Change is needed…

Considering my first info product is going to be an off the wall (naked) guide to better blogging, it would be safe to assume that my buyers will fall under a handful of possible categories:

  1. Existing bloggers who are looking to blog more efficiently
  2. Existing bloggers who enjoy my style of writing from (you people)
  3. New bloggers who can’t seem to get things going
  4. Word of mouth bloggers that have read my dumb ass comments around the way
  5. Random newbies who want to start a blog
  6. All people in general who can’t find a bullshit-free product on effective blogging

More importantly, the success of my first launch will rely heavily on who I know – and what they’re willing to do for me.  Yes, I know that a bunch of you will blast it on your blogs, or contact me to arrange some sort of contest – but how vital will the role of sales copy and a mini site play in the greater scheme of things?

SuiteJ was telling me earlier that he genuinely believes that 90% of people who buy a product scroll right down to the price.  I agree with him entirely.

I think it would be safe to assume that people buying products within the MMO niche, whether it be on the Warrior Forum or via some autoresponder opt in have already made up their mind whether or not they are going to “show love” and make that purchase.  Don’t get me wrong, there are still a whole load of people on this planet who have no idea what copy is, and are just starting to read some things about this “affiliate marketing phenomenon” and how to make money blogging – but what’s percentage of people really read the entire sales page and base their purchase decision on that?

I think there needs to be a change in the way we market within this make money niche.  All these “Find Out How A 7 Year Old Retarded Kid Made $3789.77 In One Month By Selling Drool Samples Online” make me sick – and I’m sure there are a ton of newbies who are getting sick of it as well.   Guys like Joel Comm and Frank Kern don’t make a killing because of their sales copy – they make a killing because of who they know, and how many people know them.

Perception is everything and the more visible you are to your potential buyers the more likely it is that your launch will be a success.  Selling “make money online” products to the make money online niche has little to do with copy, and everything to do with visibility.

The sales page needs to die and we need a revolution.

That’s my opinion.



Monday At The Office With Elijah

In the words of Freddie Taylor, Greetings Blog Family – If you recall a little while back SuiteJ did a video post about his home office, and certain things he has laying around to keep him inspired – so I decided to give you guys a little inside scoop of my world, and my office/studio where I do all of my online work.  It’s important to have an office environment filled with tokens and mementos of inspiration – whether it be vinyl records or the latest Sound On Sound magazine.  On that note, it’s also important to be comfortable in your office, especially if you’re spending 10-16 hours a day in it.

I shot this video first thing this morning when I woke up, and made sure everything was untouched so you get a good idea of exactly what my working environment is like!



Weird Christmas Gift Ideas From Me To You

I’m not going to apologize for only posting three times this month because I’ve been super busy online, and It’s apparent that 41 comments related to blogging naked kept the traffic flowing for the last couple of weeks – which is awesome.  While we’re on the topic of blogging naked, the whole concept sparked an ingenious idea for my very first e-book, which I’m not sure when I will be launching, but I can guarantee you that it will be insanely easy to sell as an affiliate and suck traffic from all the gurus boring ass products they keep putting out.  I’ll keep you guys posted.  Oh yeah, the domain name is – and I will leave you with that to marinate on!

Back to the post…

It’s clearly no surprise that I’m a strange dude with an even stranger sense of humor (you think I’m weird, wait till Veronica has more time to post), and I’ve always had a thing for giving unique gifts on birthdays and during the holiday season.  I’m the same way with blogging and my online business – being different and thinking outside the box will ensure you leave a lasting impression, and prevent your “gifts” from getting buried in the closet come January.

Over the last few days I’ve managed to bang my foot on a bunch of pimp daddy Christmas gifts available online, and my list is slowly coming together.  I’m even considering getting some of you knuckle-head ninjas a gift as a token of our appreciation!  If you don’t get anything it’s not because we don’t love you and want to have your children, it’s simply because we blew what little Christmas money we had and hired too many Peruvian albino midgets for the Veronica And Elijah’s Circus of Death performace at the local community centre.  So here’s a few Christmas gift ideas that stood out during my hunt and I thought I would share a few of these awesome items with you guys and gals.

Inflatable FruitcakeInflatable Fruitcake – Take part in a new family tradition with this rendition of a classic unwanted Christmas gift.  It’s no mystery that people hate store bought fruitcake, and instead of burdening your loved ones with the task of discarding another rock hard fruitcake – why not show them you care with this one of a kind fruitcake.  No crumbs and always fresh!

Switchblade Mustache CombSwitchblade Mustache Comb – Have a family member that has been trying to grow a lip rug for the holiday season?  Surprise them with this sleek and stylish switchblade mustache comb.  As a young man it’s very important that your first mustache is groomed and healthy, so give them the gift of instant mustache care in this rebel-inspired comb.

Bacon WalletBacon Wallet – What better way to support your loved ones and blogging buddies by helping them bring the bacon home with this bacon wallet. This unique and mouth-watering wallet is covered with images of freshly cut bacon. There’s plenty of room for all your adult video store memberships and Walmart gift cards. Mmmmm… Bacon!

Ninja AttackNinja Attack – It’s vital for kids to be prepared for a potential attack by fiends and foes, so be sure to arm them with this high tech ninja attack system. It has been said that real ninjas are the greatest assassins of all time and feel confident in giving the gift of ninjutsu madness. Pull the trigger and launch an stealth attack at a moments notice.

Squirrel UnderpantsSquirrel Underpants – It can be very disturbing with these naked squirrels running around your property during the holiday season, so why not show goodwill towards your animal friends while protecting your child’s eyes from over-zealous critters? These 100% cotton mini-briefs will solve your squirrel-streaking holiday problems.



Free Yourself: Blog Naked

blog nakedWhen is the last time you looked at the reflection of your computer monitor and asked yourself, “is my blogging game tight?”  If you’re a fashion victim and wear $97 socks while blogging than success will surely come your way.  On the flip side, if you are not in any financial position to be wearing platinum encrusted foot gear, what steps can you take to tighten your money making game while feeling good about yourself at the same time?  Try blogging naked! If you still have a day job and do most of your blogging while at the office, don’t go ripping off your clothes and chanting “Yes We Can!” while documenting the entire event live on – I really don’t see that going well with your superiors or the psychiatric departments of your countries government.

I know what you are thinking, and I will answer the question for you: yes, I have blogged naked.  Now for all you perverts in the blogsphere I don’t blog naked ALL the time – so kindly remove that thought and stop rubbing your nipples.  I was talking to a couple of my Bloggerhood brothers and sisters on Skype over the weekend, and some how mentioned that I should probably put on some clothes.  This obviously spawned some laughing, disbelief and questions especially from my sushi-slangin socialholic, and human pineapple – BrilliantJeni.  Let me elaborate on this a little more…

On occasion I have blogged in my birthday suit and it usually occurs by circumstance, sometimes by choice, for example:  It’s night time and I am in bed watching television while Veronica is sleeping.  Suddenly I will get a crazy idea and have no choice but to get out of bed and hit the lap top in the living room.  On my way to the living room I realize that we had West Indian food for dinner, and I have an overdue appointment with the toilet.  Considering I sleep in boxers, it’s not uncommon that I leave the bathroom with my boxers still on the floor – especially when the weather is cooling down and our apartment is 100 degrees Fahrenheit because of our over-eager 1930’s water radiator heating system.  This seems to be a habit I’ve developed over the years.

I completely understand that not everyone is comfortable with their booty hanging out, and fortunately for myself I am – unfortunate for others because I was that guy in my late teens that would get drunk at parties, strip down, and start chasing girls around the pool pulling at their bathing suits and throwing them in with their drinks and all.  I’m sure that point in my life has something to do with it, and Veronica already knows these stories so if you were thinking of ratting me out – I appreciate the thought.

Anyways, here’s what I want to pose to all of our wonderful readers:  I want all of you to try blogging naked – and I don’t necessarily mean with no clothes on.  I want you guys to strip down your inhibitions, write about whatever is on your mind, talk however you want to talk without a concern for what people will think about you.  Blogging is the closest thing to absolute freedom that you will ever find.  There are no censors, no rules (for the most part) and very few forces to intimidate you or make you feel segregated.  If you’re cool with taking my challenge literally and stripping off your clown suit and makeup for a few hours while you blog – go for it!  For those of you who have big families with children, and friends of children that frequent your home be weary when deciding to do this.  We don’t anybody going to jail!

Image Tiffany coming home from high school with a couple of her girlfriends to study, and they walk in the front door only to realize that Mr. Jones is completely naked, minus the hair that blankets his back and the lap top on his… well… lap.  “Hi girls, Mrs. Jones left some brownies in the kitchen for you, and I think there might be some leftover hot dogs in the microwave from last night.  If you’re going to the mall later and need a ride, just give me a tap on the shoulder when you’re ready to go!”  Poor Tiffany.



President Of The Blogosphere: Vote Now

Let’s get one thing clear right off the bat:  I’m fully aware that in the next few hours there will be a new President of the United States of America, and being a Canadian through and through combined with my near zero interest (tolerance) for politricks makes this event fairly low on my list of “things to think about today”.  Unfortunately, there is more coverage on Canadian cable television of the American election than there was of the Canadian election a few weeks back (bet you didn’t even know there was one), so I’ve been unwillingly subjected to an onslaught of Anderson Cooper and his flawless hairdo.

Nevertheless, I began to think about blogging and asked myself “what if there was a president of the blogosphere that represented bloggers world wide”?  That questions spawned this post, and I’m sure you’re now seeing where I’m going with this.

If you had a chance to vote in your favorite, most influential pro blogger of this current day and age, who would it be?  I don’t want to say guru because we’re specifically talking about people who make a living as professional bloggers, or Internet marketers who’ve made such an impact that they’ve crossed over to the blogosphere to share their learning’s and expertise.  I’m not expecting a novel, but if you guys would be so kind to give me your vote for who you think would represent the blogosphere the truest, and why you believe so – I’m really curious to see if there are any identifiable trends.

Shoemoney, John Chow, Yaro Starak, Darren Rowse, Ian Fernando, whoever – Put in your vote!

P.S. If I was an American Citizen (I have my residency) I would vote for Obama without blinking.



Blog Report For October 2008

Blog Report For October 2008Yes indeed – I’m back from the dead!  The end of October marks the three month anniversary of our beautiful blog, and all you beautiful people who actually read what I type into this little window every now and then.  I’m still amazed by that! For those of you who I don’t talk to outside of reciprocal commenting, October has been an insane month from every angle possible.  I’ve faced some of the hardest challenges online over the last 31 days and it’s really showed with the lack of posting – and for that I want to apologize.

On the same token, October showed a trim down of posting on the majority of blogs within my social network, which means that all my ninjas in The Bloggerhood have been super busy either preparing for Christmas traffic, or just trying to end the year with a real bang!  Everyone I talk to on a daily basis has multiple projects going on simultaneously, and let me be the first to say that some of these projects I’ve been hearing about are absolutely groundbreaking!

The blogosphere is about to change my friends, and there is a serious movement happening right now.  A movement of Average Joes and Simple Suzies that are about to knock all the high ranked bloggers out of the park.  I am seeing this movement form right before my eyes everyday, with every email I read or every phone call I get.  Things are starting to click and it’s an honor to be a part of this.

October was a pinnacle month for my career online – and I’m now calling it a career because I’ve officially made enough income to report on, so I don’t see myself getting a day job any time soon providing things continue as planned (which they will if I have anything to say about it!)  Now I don’t plan to report my earnings every month, but with this month being a milestone I felt it would be appropriate.


Now unfortunately due to my severe shift in posting, link building and commenting during October, there has been a decline in traffic compared to last month.  I’m not worried at all because I know why our traffic didn’t continue to rise and I also know what needs to be done to bring those numbers back up.  Here’s the breakdown not including today:

  • 1379 unique visitors
  • 3527 number of visits
  • 11171 pages viewed
  • 113.77 average daily uniques


As always, Feedburner is fucking up right now and giving me an error 500 when I click on sign in, so I won’t be able to report the exact sub numbers for October.  What I can tell you is that last time I checked, which was about 2 days ago we were at 103 subscribers which is a huge increase from the 67 subscribers reported at the end of September.  You people are all amazing and I want to make sweet love to each and every one of you.  Dudes can substitute the sweet love making for a cold beer and a high five.


Time for the bread and butter.  As I’m logging into my respective money receiving accounts I can’t actually believe I just typed earnings into my blog, within a blog report post.  To think 12 months ago I didn’t even own a blog, or know what an <h1> tag was – it’s a beautiful thing!  For the month of October my main focus was developing, establishing and selling start up niche sites.  Most refer to this process as Site Flipping.  The whole movement of flippers online is really amazing when you think about it – rather than people writing ebooks that teach people how to make money, they’re building niche sites that make people money!  I also had a record month with Adsense, by fluke, because a gentleman whom I sold a site to has refused to change the Adsense code out of apparent laziness!  This can happen with site flipping, and can be rewarding!

  • Site Flipping$1021.00 (6 websites)
  • Adsense$16.73 (getting closer to my first Adsense check!)
  • Clickbank$27.00 (1 sale)
  • Amazon$0.00 (some assmunch returned something)
  • Pepperjam$0.00 (because I haven’t earned anything, I get rejected for every decent campaign. Doesn’t make any damned sense!)
  • Neverblueads$1.00 (got one lead!)
  • Prostitution$13.74 (some old lady paid me to tie her shoe and touch her boob)

Upcoming Projects

I can’t be too specific on my ninja projects for November, but sources tell me that SutieJ likes to talk, especially if you bribe him with coffee and Hip Hop.  So find him on Skype and send him a Tim Horton’s gift card (Canada’s equivalent of Dunkin Donuts) and the new Nas album via iTunes, and I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding out what I have up my sleeve for this month.  Even better, visit and tell Dready Kruger that you’ve sent, via FedEx, a steaming hot Philly Cheese Steak sammich, and built a giant goldfish out of pop tarts that you will give to him in exchange for my detailed November ninja plans.  All it takes is food and Hip Hop to bribe my friends.  Assholes.

In short, I have two sites that I will be developing for my own portfolio this month.  One of them will be a review/conduit style site that covers various niche markets – chasing after long tail keywords to catch consumers in the “buying” stage for maximum conversions.  This is also known as the Conduit Method by some.  The second site, which I’m super hyped up about, will be an extension of my blog/ninja skills in the form of providing my services to the webmasters/MMO market.

So expect at least one site launch in November if things go as planned!

By the way, if you’re unfamiliar or have never heard of the Conduit Method, you absolutely need to stop by and take a peak at his VIP reports – no bullshit, straight to the point make money techniques that work.

There you have it.  I really hope everyone had a great October, and if not, keep pushing forward!  I know everyone tells you the same fucking things online “don’t give up” “keep your chin up” “keep testing things out” “it will eventually click” and the fact of the matter is that this is all true.  If October was a shitty month for you, and you can’t make a penny online, it’s time to stop sleeping and get desperate.  Whore yourself out at the old folks home so you can grab a few domains, and get cracking.  Steal ideas from those around you, while pretending to enjoy their virtual company and talk shit about them behind their backs.

Or… Work hard and realize that nothing happens over night.  Destroy that dream of getting rich quick and reach out towards like minded people.  Discard your insecurities and put your ass on the line, and you’ll be surprised to realize that once you have nothing to loose things start to come together.  I promise.