I’m not going to apologize for only posting three times this month because I’ve been super busy online, and It’s apparent that 41 comments related to blogging naked kept the traffic flowing for the last couple of weeks – which is awesome. While we’re on the topic of blogging naked, the whole concept sparked an ingenious idea for my very first e-book, which I’m not sure when I will be launching, but I can guarantee you that it will be insanely easy to sell as an affiliate and suck traffic from all the gurus boring ass products they keep putting out. I’ll keep you guys posted. Oh yeah, the domain name is ThisBlogIsNaked.com – and I will leave you with that to marinate on!
Back to the post…
It’s clearly no surprise that I’m a strange dude with an even stranger sense of humor (you think I’m weird, wait till Veronica has more time to post), and I’ve always had a thing for giving unique gifts on birthdays and during the holiday season. I’m the same way with blogging and my online business – being different and thinking outside the box will ensure you leave a lasting impression, and prevent your “gifts” from getting buried in the closet come January.
Over the last few days I’ve managed to bang my foot on a bunch of pimp daddy Christmas gifts available online, and my list is slowly coming together. I’m even considering getting some of you knuckle-head ninjas a gift as a token of our appreciation! If you don’t get anything it’s not because we don’t love you and want to have your children, it’s simply because we blew what little Christmas money we had and hired too many Peruvian albino midgets for the Veronica And Elijah’s Circus of Death performace at the local community centre. So here’s a few Christmas gift ideas that stood out during my hunt and I thought I would share a few of these awesome items with you guys and gals.
Inflatable Fruitcake – Take part in a new family tradition with this rendition of a classic unwanted Christmas gift. It’s no mystery that people hate store bought fruitcake, and instead of burdening your loved ones with the task of discarding another rock hard fruitcake – why not show them you care with this one of a kind fruitcake. No crumbs and always fresh!
Switchblade Mustache Comb – Have a family member that has been trying to grow a lip rug for the holiday season? Surprise them with this sleek and stylish switchblade mustache comb. As a young man it’s very important that your first mustache is groomed and healthy, so give them the gift of instant mustache care in this rebel-inspired comb.
Bacon Wallet – What better way to support your loved ones and blogging buddies by helping them bring the bacon home with this bacon wallet. This unique and mouth-watering wallet is covered with images of freshly cut bacon. There’s plenty of room for all your adult video store memberships and Walmart gift cards. Mmmmm… Bacon!
Ninja Attack – It’s vital for kids to be prepared for a potential attack by fiends and foes, so be sure to arm them with this high tech ninja attack system. It has been said that real ninjas are the greatest assassins of all time and feel confident in giving the gift of ninjutsu madness. Pull the trigger and launch an stealth attack at a moments notice.
Squirrel Underpants – It can be very disturbing with these naked squirrels running around your property during the holiday season, so why not show goodwill towards your animal friends while protecting your child’s eyes from over-zealous critters? These 100% cotton mini-briefs will solve your squirrel-streaking holiday problems.
19 thoughts on “Weird Christmas Gift Ideas From Me To You”
Sweet. You know I love those squirrels, so the underwear should come in handy. (Come on, I actually bought the domain “nuttysquirrelbottom.com”- I’m letting it die, but I own it!)
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The squirrel is very disturbing buddy, don’t know what to say!;)
Nice funny post…Right after blogging naked!
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I hope the bacon wallet comes in a cooked version. I like mine extra crispy please.
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The underpants ARE disturbing, but did you see squirrelunderpants dot com ? Now thats a micro niche site if ever I saw one!
Gotta get me a Ninja Attack! Launches ninjas up to 15 feet … thats what I’m talking ’bout!
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I don’t have a moustache…but if I did, I would buy it in conjunction with the squirrel pants! I’m fed up of squirrels running round on all fours only all of a sudden to stand up to flash me. Its down-right sickening I tell ya!
I will now embark on my quest to put pants on squirrels!
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Hey, be wary of those squirrels. I wouldn’t try to force them into underpants, especially Y-Fronts, if I were you.
Haven’t you guys seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?!
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I’m also with the bacon wallet. You never know when you can end up living on an deserted island, this way I can fool my mind that I’m eating a real bacon ! Yippii ! 🙂
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LMAO@ the squirrel underwear. I have a real squirrel streaking problem where I live. I think I want the bacon wallet for Christmas though. MMMM bacon!
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@WordVixen – Haha, that’s a sweet ass domain! I’m sure there’s some sort of circus/freakshow driven market underground somewhere..
@Ben Tremblay – I know, it’s a little scary isn’t it? What about frog underpants???? Now we’re talking!
@AffiliateConfession – Enter Homer: Mmmm.. extra crispy bacon wallet… arrghghhhh…
@Neal – Dude, the ninja attack is super sweet! I actually think I’m gonna by that for myself this Christmas.
@Dan – Damn flashing squirrels.. I’m really digging the mustache comb, because I do have a beard that could use some love and grooming.
@Alison – Haha, squirrels in y-fronts.. oh man… phew.. that was a good laugh!
@TheMoneyac – Dude, the deserted island approach would be great for a sales page headline! Too bad the company that manufactures these crazy items doesn’t have an affiliate program.. they do have a wholesale program though – ebay anyone?
@SEOTipsBlog – There seems to be a common problem of frivolous squirrels in North America. We should start our own organization to get briefs on all these critters.. The Anti-Frivolous Squirrel Foundation of America.
Elijahs last blog post..Free Yourself: Blog Naked
Duuuuuude, seriously…..vacation time. 😉
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But then again, the squirrel underpants would do good. In Latvia we have some rough and cold winters ( -25c). These underpants would make me feel warm and fuzzy 🙂
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Not bad gift ideas. Gotta get me a bacon wallet for those extra pimp nights out. Nothin says sharp dressed man with style then buying cougars Cosmos with money from your uncooked bacon wallet. But my personal favorite Christmas gift is the “Donation has been made in your name” ala Costanza, its great. I’ve been givin those bullshit certificates i made on my computer to my family for years. It just requires creative flare so that if they ever try to resaerch it you cant be proved wrong.
@Dennis – Tell me about it man!
@TheMoneyac – We get those winters in Canada too man, so I know what you mean! Those squirrel underpants would probably provide some extra warmth for my balls – kind of like double the installation.
@Alastair – Haha.. dude – it’s all about the “Human Fund” if I was working in an office right now (thank god neither of us are) I would totally go the Costanza route and hand out “donation” cards… lol that was such a good episode.
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Hahahaha, thank you for the gift list E! You gotta have a ninja tech assault kit in your closet man! Them squirrel underwear are ill, but what if your squirrels are boxer type like suitej’s herd of dutch mafia squirrels?
The bacon wallet! Dude, I bet they make mad money off of those gifts, sum bee…. lol
I used to have one of those switch-blade combs back in school. Nowadays, pro-cigarette advertising is banned in my household.
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You are a lifesaver. I didn’t have a clue what to buy for Christmas but now I do. I am going to get some of the inflatable fruitcakes.
I’m sure Archie McFee will have something else I want.
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OMG, I’m so upset I didn’t discover this before Christmas.
Fantastic gift ideas you got here, Elijah.
Can’t wait to give that bacon wallet to a really annoying vegetarian friend of mine who is always trying to stop me from eating meat. Ha, I shall report back!
@Jen – Haha, that wallet was meant to be given to annoying vegetarian friends. Let me know how that goes!
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